Pain In My Heart
I can even feel an empty space in my skull if that's possible! My thoughts are scattered on different subjects, but one thing remains steady: "what to do now that the doctor told me my mom has cancer in her left breast!!!"
I reasoned with the doctor "she is 86 years old, it can't be, it is just the size of a rice kernel", and after that I was totally lost, body and soul!
I knew for sure that I wouldn't tell my mom just yet until the oncologist figures out what type of treatment we need to do for her. And then there are my other 10 siblings!!!Obviously, one needs to know as my mom stays with him. So I emailed him the next day!
The doctor called at 8 PM on Thursday night, and by Sunday morning, I texted the bad news to my four closest sisters as I want to pull together a special prayer intention. Not knowing how aggressive this cancer is, I just have to keep calm and wait until next week appointment. Meanwhile, my inside is on a roller-coaster!
My questions are:
1) How do you handle bad news like this?
2) How many elderly (60 and up) people you know that have cancer?
Joining Thursday2Questions!
I lost my grandmother aged 88 just a couple of months ago. May your mother get well, my prayers for her. Wish your mother a very speedy recovery.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the prayer Arti!
DeleteIcy, sorry to hear that... just to share with you.. my father was diagnosed with prostate cancer at the age of 81.. and he passed away six months later after the diagnose... we discourage him to take chemo, firstly it is the age and secondly, he would suffer more if he did...
ReplyDeleteAt this time of crisis, family is most important.. it is the moral support for your mom that counts.. be with her and enjoy the time together..
Take care...
By the way, I have sent you an email.. hope you can respond .. thanks!
Hi Carol,
DeleteSorry to hear about your father, and thank you for visiting..I have responded to your email :-)
I'm so sorry to hear this. Sending good thoughts your way for you and your mother.
ReplyDeleteI have known only one elderly person with breast cancer, and she did pass away quite soon after the diagnosis but she had a multitude of other health problems including heart disease and it was not thought to be the cancer which caused her death. On the other side of the scale, I've known three - no, four - other women with breast cancer who have survived, two of them have survived despite their cancer being serious. Breast cancer is no longer the automatic death sentence that it once was - and I speak as the daughter of a woman who worked on a radiotherapy unit for thirteen years, and as someone who heard numerous stories of the clinical cases and the advances made in treatments. 'Never be afraid if you're told it's cancer' Mum said to me once, 'they're doing wonderful things these days, and advances are being made all the time'.
I can only say the same to you now: yes, it's different when it's your mother, and yes, it's tough when she is in her eighties, but advances are being made all the time, and there may be more treatment options than you think. I hope so!
Hi Jay,
DeleteGood to know and good to have hope :-)
sorry to hear this news Icy, stay calm until you know the options.
ReplyDeleteThanks Christine!
Deletesorry to hear that, however there is so much progress in dealing with cancer these days - find out all your options then get a second opinion. Best of luck to you and your Mom.
ReplyDeleteHi Judi,
DeleteThanks for the support!
I don't think there is a how, but each of us handle things in our own way. Information is power, so we should learn about the problem as much as possible so that we can deal with it best that we can. We need to be informed so that we can make good decisions.
ReplyDeleteI know now total of three people very close to me going went through cancer, all three eventually died of it and did not survive.
Will let you know after next Wednesday!
DeleteIcy, first I am so terribly sorry to hear this. I wish I could take some of the hurt and pain from you. I will keep her and you and your family in my prayers. I think we all handle bad news like this differently. I absolutely understand how you are feeling and what you are going through. It's very normal to feel the way you do and you won't be able to concentrate or focus for a while. You just have to listen to your body and sort of go with the flow.
ReplyDeleteI have known many who have been diagnosed with cancer and one very dear friend who died in her 40's. It's a horrific disease. Right now it's a matter of you and your siblings banding together to make good decisions and most of all being there for your Mom.
If you ever need to talk or anything, Icy, I am here for you
xoxo
Jo
Hi Jo,
DeleteI will keep your offer in mind. You're a dear friend to me!
Icy, I am so sorry to hear about your Mom. We have lost three close friends to cancer in the last few years. One was just over sixty and another was in her late forties. The only advise I can offer is to take it one day at a time and enjoy every moment with your Mom.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Judy!
DeleteI know of many many people who have battled cancer and won and a few who passed from it. Generally those who died from it had many other complications. I can understand your hesitation to have her undergo all the chemo and so forth. My sister just had a mastectomy and is doing well. Both my daughter and mom have had lumpectomies, which may be all she needs. My baby girl had hers when pregnant for her first child and he is now 18. Ultimately it should be her choice or she should at least be allowed a voice in what is going to happen to her. You have my thoughts and prayers. Hugs!!
ReplyDeleteThanks Judy! You might have to drive down and hug me :-)
Delete1) How do you handle bad news like this?
ReplyDeleteIcy, you treat your mom like a human being, a person deserving the right to make decisions for herself. Unless she has lost her reasoning power then it is not for you to make decisions for her.
Your duty is to be there. To be there to comfort her and to help her decide a course of action. Also it is to help the others understand and to help them to not go off crazy like.
2) How many elderly (60 and up) people you know that have cancer?
First of all, who told you that people 60 and up are elderly? I am not sure that I am elderly but I may be elderly on my birthday this October. I will be 80 then.
In our Sunday school class, geared for ages 70 and up, we have 26 members of which 24 attend regularly. We are all 'seniors,' I don't think any of us are 'elderly.' Most are older than I am, in their 80's and a few in the ninety's. Several have or have had cancer.
I have been in the class for about nine years and no one has died of cancer since I've been there. Two have died of heart attacks, one of a paralizing disease, and another of organ shutdown. The ones with cancer are under treatment, some ever since I have know them. When cancer goes into remission the person really is not cured. It can come back as activive at any time.
If you read my blog and have known Katrin, she was willed to Mrs. Jim by a lady friend of ours who died of cancer. Mrs. Jim had an aunt who had a masectomy when she was about ninety and the lady lived another seven years to died of heart failure.
So please cheer up so that you will be in good shape to help your mom in her time of need. And please treat her as a senior, not an 'elderly lady.'
..
Oh Jim, don't take offend of the word "elderly", as to me elderly and senior have the same meaning...
DeleteYou can always be young at heart no matter what age it is..It all depends on how one feels about oneself :-)
Hi Icy, it's fine. Just say'n. But I was afraid I was too hard on you yesterday night with my comment. I have confidence that you will do fine with your mom.
DeleteI did pray last night and will tonight and all next week until we hear more of Mom's condition. I prayed first for you, that you will have understanding and patience with your Mom's situation. I prayed that you will make the right decisions when it is up to you. I prayed for God to give you comforting in knowing that after all is said, etc, that He is in control and has his reasons.
I prayed for your Mom, for her healing. I pray for her health and comfort from God, that she will understand things. I pray that she will be comforted by your loving care of her.
And I pray for the doctors and other health care providers that they will be careful with her and let their hands be guided by God.
I prayed that every decision that must be made by whoever, you, your Mom, your family, and the doctors can be made with the knowledge to be right in those decisions.
Finally I ask God for whatever I should have prayed for and didn't that he will take care of that in his will.
We all, your blogging friends, are standing by you, we love you. And I am sure that they are praying for you, your Mom, and your family also.
..
*HUGS*
ReplyDeleteEveryone handles it differently. There is no manual. You can even say how you would and then when it's time, it's completely different.
Praying with you.
Thanks so much Colette!!
DeleteI'm so sorry to hear your news, Icy. It must have been such a blow to you and the family. I think you and your siblings will be able to handle it together. You'll be strong for each other. Most importantly, you have to find out what your mum wants to do about it and how she wants to move forward now. After all, it's her treatment. There are so many treatments for cancer. My dad has prostate cancer at the moment (he's 77). I also know another over 60 guy who's just been given the all-clear for his cancer. I know one other older woman who's just been given the all-clear also - for breast cancer. I also know 2 younger women who've gotten over it.
ReplyDelete